Sunday, September 24, 2017

American Idol Auditions Season 8 Part 2

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Posted by admin On January - 14 - 2009

-A.S. Night two of the American Idol auditions. Tonight they are in Kansas City. I was not too impressed with the crop from PHX last night.
~Z.T.~ Prediction: Number of people who cry including singers, judges and family members: 15
7:03 -A.S. At least the first girl they are spotlighting is attractive. Something really, really bothers me about her voice. Yuck, vibrato. She sounds like the song from Mars Attacks that kills the aliens.
7:04 ~Z.T.~ Simon: “That sounded like a Cat jumping off Empire State building and the noise it would make before it hit the floor.”
Randy: “And then when it hit the floor, the sirens would be making that noise.” Kara and Paula decide to become her therapists, they feel so bad for her. This is actually sad. Not funny sad.
7:07 ~Z.T.~ Messing up the lyric to the writer of the song, wow. Damn, she’s good though. Simon won’t be able to get over it. I know I’d be pissed. Don’t misquote me to me.
7:14 -A.S. This David Cook commercial reminds me of how much I dislike David Cook, and I’m thinking it probably has something to do with the fact that he sounds exactly like the dude from Nickleback.
7:15 ~Z.T.~ Well, isn’t Casey Carlson (right) just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen. I’d move to Kansas City for this girl. Name sounds a bit like Kelly Clarkson too, doesn’t it. Just saying.
7:18 ~Z.T.~ My first legit LOL of the season. This guy doing Aretha is the best kind of bad. He genuinely thinks he’s got it, because drunk people at parties encourage him. I hope I overhear him singing in a YMCA shower one day.
7:19 -A.S. Brian was so bad Randy didn’t even call him dog. At least he refused to cry on camera.
7:22 ~Z.T.~ CRYING MONTAGE! We got 6 and one right before commercial. Crying count: 7
7:26-7:29 ~Z.T.~Just send this whole clip to failblog.org. So much fail.
7:28 -A.S. Maybe if Von didn’t look like he was going to try and eat the entire room when he sang, he’d be ok.
7:29 -A.S. Jason Castro’s emo brother calls Jason the girlie one. Oh yeah guy with the pink emo haircut? At least Jason looks like he eats sandwiches instead of cutting himself.
7:29 ~Z.T.~Von Smith, in the white hat, singing “Over the Rainbow” – “‘Scuse the phlegm” is your nickname. For the rest of your life. Every girl you ever meet. Ever. “Scuse the Phlegm.” OMG Are those even notes? I had to watch this performance twice. No way.
7:35 Whaaaat?! How?! Von Smith sucks! It made my ears want to cry.
7:39 -A.S. Michael Castro (below) looks incredibly emo, but chose to sing Gavin Degraw. Which is almost as funny as Simon half referencing that the Castros always appear to be lifted. His eyes were almost as pink as his hair…7:40 ~Z.T.~ Randy “dog” count: 1
7:43 ~Z.T.~ There is no way to watch this show without sandwiches. Like a sandwich every three commercial breaks.
7:47 A.S. Matt sounds great singing Bill Withers’ “Ain’t No Sunshine.” I think he was my favorite one so far, despite the fact that Randy Jackson doesn’t agree with me. Sorry dog.
7:48 ~Z.T.~ That was my first actual minute of enjoying this show.
7:50 -A.S. It took me the second time of hearing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” to realize that they might be singing it because they’re in Kansas.
7:51 ~Z.T.~ “These are my crazy pills. These are my crazy pills.” -I love a girl with a crazy old grandma. She’s decent, but she’s never gonna win.
7:53 -A.S. Trying out for American Idol singing Janis Joplin is ballsy, and this chick is nailing it.
8:00 -A.S. These sisters (right) look like they might have been triplets and one of them ate the third.
8:02 ~Z.T.~ Is it sad that Salt and Pepper is the only duo I can think to compare these two to? That was fun. I’d listed to them more.
8:12 ~Z.T.~The guy whose wife died. How can you not feel bad for him. Cry count: 8
8:11 -A.S. At least Daniel has a good reason for crying. I hope he’s good, because now I’ll feel bad making fun of him.
8:12 -A.S. He’s doing “I heard It Through the Grapevine.” I love David Ruffin, and this guy is ripping it up. A feel good story. I’ll pull for this guy, even if every time I see him I’ll think of Randy Jackson trying to show him how to explode the fist bump.
8:15 ~Z.T.~ “One of the best we’ve heard” for Danny, the widower. Good for him. Really enjoyed that.
8:15 -A.S. Anoop (below)! Raise your hand if you were shocked that voice came out of that dude. Anoop-Dogg!!!8:17 ~Z.T.~ Randy “Dog” count: 2 “ANOOP-DOG!” Can that count double?
8:17 ~Z.T.~ Note to self. Never go to Kansas City to meet women.
8:18 -A.S. What’s with all the jacked up teeth Kansas City? Almost as bad as these Stevie Wonder covers. Also, does anybody else think it makes no sense that the American Idol logo is in front of a globe?
8:19 ~Z.T.~ Randy “Dog” count: 4. He hit a 2 run homer there. Did you catch it?
8:23 ~Z.T.~ Please end this show. I’m fading.
8:25 ~Z.T~ This cheerleading thing is not funny bad. It just has to stop.
8:25 -A.S. Is Maggie Gyllenhall (left?) dressed as a cheerleader and hyping up Andrew? I can’t believe the cheerleaders weren’t singing back up there. Missed opportunity for comedy gold.
8:26 ~Z.T.~ I really hope they don’t like this “My Girl” singer because he sang their name. He’s garbage.
8:27 ~Z.T.~ Told ya. He ain’t shit.
8:30 -A.S. Asa is showing Zack how you’re supposed to cover Michael Jackson. Sorry fro guy from yesterday with the tap shoes.
8:30 ~Z.T.~ I genuinely enjoyed that “Way You Make Me Feel.” Paula’s right. It’s hard to pull off MJ.
8:37 -A.S. Michael Nicewonder looks like he should be auditioning for Joe Dirt 2, not American Idol. Dude has quite the Oedipus Complex … and a total lack of singing and songwriting ability.
8:38 Unemployed dentists- go to Kansas City. This whole city needs your help.
8:40 ~Z.T.~ Crying count: 9. That was my favorite cry.
8:41 ~Z.T.~ This is my new move: :::Backflip::: “Mr. Hollywood!!” That HAS to work.
8:42 -A.S. Chris Brown is famous because he can dance, not sing. Dennis can do neither. I am shocked that he’s going to Hollywood. Did this show ever have credibility? I’m thinking it just went out the window. Seriously, they would have been better off saying they’d rather play as Simon & Garfunkel than Aerosmith on Guitar Hero.
8:42 ~Z.T.~ “Puffy, Jay Z” I can sing very very very very very good.” He’s just straight begging.8:43 ~Z.T.~ Crying count: 11 His mom and another supporter.
8:44 ~Z.T.~ So, begging works? No! It was the :::Backflip::: “Mr. Hollywood (above)!!”
“That is called being duped.”
8:50 ~Z.T.~ Sleeping girl? Really? Pharmy much?
8:51 -A.S. Sleeping Beauty should have stayed in bed instead and slept. I wish I never had to hear her try to hit that high note….aaaand they just hit me with it three more times. F U American Idol.
8:53 ~Z.T.~ Tornado story not doing it for me.
8:54 ~Z.T.~ The woman’s got soul, though. Damn, girl.
8:55 ~Z.T.~ She’s a real contender. I’ll call it now. She’ll go the farthest of anyone in the first two nights.
8:55 -A.S. Thank you for not butchering Stevie Wonder Lil. I would have felt like a dick making fun of a feel good story. I’m gonna do it anyway. Maybe if you would have focused more on singing and less on popping out babies, you would have been here sooner. Sorry. I’m sorry.

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