Wow. I thought I knew you guys. Then this happened. This wasn’t our best contest in terms of entries, but those of you that entered really showed me something. You’re sick. I love you for it. The top two stories got that distinction because they managed to combine literally being dirty with a sexual act. Bravo on that. This is the full length extended edition. Thanks for your attention. Here they are, from least dirty, to filthy beyond what I ever imagined when I came up with this contest.

Winners- Please e-mail me your address to Zack@festivalcrashers.com and we’ll send our your 15-pack of Action Wipes. Here they are: Read the rest of this entry »

~Z.T.~ We want to know how dirty you can be. Andy made fun of Blake for bringing baby wipes to Bonnaroo last year. Blake had the right idea. Baby wipes are great for a festival when you can’t shower, but we can do better.The Festival Crashers were contacted by Action Wipes. It’s a dream partnership. They’re bigger and stronger than baby wipes and don’t leave you smelling like you need your carrots mashed into a pulp to eat them. They sent me a pack and I was thoroughly impressed. They’re durable, washable and recyclable.

Here’s how you can get them: Read the rest of this entry »

@ZackTeibloom Move over Coachella. Step aside Bonnaroo. Make room for what the press release describes as “America’s premiere destination rock festival.” The Rock on the Range Festival. OK I’m intrigued. Who’s gonna be there? Let me guess. The Foo Fighters? Chili Peppers? Pearl Jam? Radiohead? The Racounteurs? Weezer? Neil Young? I mean, you have to have at least a couple of these if you’re going to call it “The premiere destination rock festival,” right?
Are you kidding me? Slipknot, Motley Crue, Alice in Chains and Korn. I’m speechless. You know the scene in “No Country for Old Men” where the old lady is mad that she has to go to El Paso and asks “You know how many people I know in El Paso?” and holds up a zero sign. Well, you know how many bands I want to see at this festival? None. Not for one second. That’s impressive. I like enough music that they really did something special to put together this completely worthless festival.

The tagline is “Where rock lives.” I’ve always said “Long live rock,” but WTF?! FC super-fan Hodge summed it up best: “If you paid me $300 and gave me a free ticket, i probably still wouldn’t go see this show.”

@ZackTeibloom I don’t think Andy or I ever considered entertaining the idea of going to Ozzfest, but it’s now officially canceled. I do respect that they made the festival free in 2007 b/c of heavy sponsors. We haven’t paid for a festival in years, but I think it would be nice if more festivals could pull that off. Would you believe that I was at Ozzfest 2002? It’s true.I mostly came to Ozzfest ’02 because I was really into System of a Down at the time. I’ll remember that festival as one of the least friendly crowds I’ve ever been apart of.

They especially took their anger out on P.O.D. a “hard rocking” Christian band that was just not hard enough for them. The image that sticks in my head is everytime P.O.D. would sing/yell their chorus of “Boom! Here comes the Boom!” the crowd would give them the finger right on the boom. Classy. Read the rest of this entry »

-A.S. More proof that somebody over at American Idol HQ is paying attention to what I’m saying over here at Festival Crashers. First it was the dropping of Michael Sarver’s middle name. Now they have decided that Joanna Pacitti needs to be disqualified. They have replaced her with Felicia Barton.

Felicia Barton is the 26-year-old from Virginia Beach, VA that we first met at the auditions in Louisville, KY. She also satisfies my theory that this season is all about the parents. In her introduction video on the American Idol website, Barton says that she is competing this season to show her son that you have to chase your dreams. How can you not root for her?

@ZackTeibloom I was starting to have my doubts about New Orleans Jazz Fest. Last weekend they announced that the big artist addition was Bon Jovi. Andy thinks we’ll get drunk and enjoy that show, but I can’t see myself enjoying that under any circumstance. Then they announce that Aretha Franklin backed out. I was getting less psyched for the festival by the second. Then they threw us a bone. A bone with an r at the end. We got Neil.

The man who defines rock ‘n’ roll more than any living person is headlining Sunday May 3rd. Hopefully we’ll run into him and Andy will have something better to say this time than “You’re Neil Young!”

~A.S.~ Two hours tonight to find out who makes it onto the actual show. This process takes too long. I feel like they’re a month in, and the show hasn’t even begun. I read that American Idol is making an effort to make the viewer feel more connected to the contestants. That would explain the lengthy sob story montages and over-the-top drama. I don’t care about the story lines. I want to know if they can sing.

7:01 The new twist this season is the sing off. I smell more drama, but I’m hoping to laugh in the process.
7:02 “An all new final judgement.” Since when do Simon, Randy, Paula and Kara guard the Pearly Gates?
7:04 ANOOP DOGG!!!! Anoop Desai (left) is making the big show. I bet Zack’s doing his happy dance about now. That is if he’s even watching. I’m not sure if he would make it through another 2-hour episode. Especially with Lost on. ~Z.T.~ You know me too well. Sandwiches and Lost. Read the rest of this entry »

~Z.T.~ I didn’t add that ! to their name because of my excitement over them. It’s just part of their name. I could have though. I can’t get enough of these guys. I found Los Campesinos! thanks to Brian McFillen, the indie-music reviewer who clued me into “what the kids are listening to” when I ran WEEKEND magazine’s reviews section. It was on his best of 2008 list and now it’s climbing up mine. I have no idea what this video has to do with the lyrics, but it should at least carry you through the slowish first minute and a half of the intro.

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-A.S. Another Hollywood round. That’s what they get for giving away so many golden tickets. I hope today’s episode is a little less on the drama and a little more on the music. Let’s see if Tatiana Nicole del Torro creeps any closer to the Shelley Gillespie zone on the Hot/Crazy scale.

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-A.S. I just got home from work and turned on the tube. Around the Horn was just beginning and to my surprise, Lil Wayne was one of the members of today’s panel. I have enjoyed Weezy’s sports blog on ESPN.com and so far he’s sounded like he knows what he’s talking about.