Sunday, December 16, 2018

Successful Crash #17: Passion Pit @Emo’s

Posted by teibs On June - 4 - 2009

42-16377728@ZackTeibloom So many lessons from this crash, I don’t know where to start. @ChrisinAustin and I arrived at Emo’s around 9:30, with the show called for 10. With all three outside doors well-guarded, we walked around to the alley, where Chris suggested scaling a wall or contorting our bodies underneath an impassably small hole in the fence.

Lesson #1 of the night: No grand entrances.

Every move you make in a crash should be explainable if you get caught. What’s your defense gonna be when you’re spotted lodged between two fences chained together behind Emo’s. Two fences chained loosely enough that you could have made it (if you hadn’t taken advantage of free root beer float night at Sonic.)

Deciding that making a ninja move to slide between fences or leaping over the balcony wasn’t in our best interest, we made our way back to the front of the venue. We spotted a guy unloading amps and guitars from the back of his station wagon to the indoor stage. Passion Pit was playing on the outdoor stage, but getting inside the venue is 90% of the battle.

Lesson #2: Pretending you’re a roadie works

If you’re at a venue early enough, there will be opportunities to help bands unload their gear. Once you’ve set your last piece of their gear down, you’re inside. And no one’s stopping to ask you for your ID if both your hands are holding band gear. I carried an amp and a guitar and texted Chris to do the same and meet inside. Step one accomplished, but let’s not go prematurely congratulating ourselves here.

Once inside, we looked to see what the “you’re allowed in” marking on the Passion Pit crowd member’s hands was. It appeared to be a black X in sharpie. Guess who had a sharpie in his pocket. I made a big ole black X on my hand, waltzed over to the smaller security guard and showed it to him confidently. “Why isn’t yours purple?” he asked.

Lesson #3: If you’re going to replicate a stamp or hand marking, do it right.

Damn you, darkness. Made me see a purple bird-like stamp as a black X. “Oh, I’m with the band,” I said. They just marked my hand on the way in.” That didn’t get me in, but it did get that dude off my back. He believed my band story and kindly asked me to go get my hand stamped.

Lesson #4: Whenever caught, backpedal and explain that you made an honest mistake.

The last thing you want is to piss off the guy who could kick you out. Retreat. Never confront a guard who’s already suspicious. Know why?

Lesson #5: There’s always another unsuspecting guard you can sneak by.

Chris was the hero of the night yet again. He noticed the lack of a guard on the ramp down to the outdoor stage. No hands needed to be shown over there. Successful Crash #17 complete. OK, now we can say it.

Aside from Chris having to hold in a piss for pretty much the entire Passion Pit show because the bathroom was on the side of the venue we couldn’t go back and forth from, it was a wild success. And I think we all learned something.

3 Responses

  1. @sdullye Said,

    This just makes the back and forth texting between Zach and I all the more hilarious. What a great show!

    Posted on June 4th, 2009 at 2:14 pm

  2. joerockcity Said,

    very nice. there’s nothing wrong with being in love with a good time.

    Posted on June 4th, 2009 at 6:43 pm

  3. Festival Crashers » Blog Archive » Hack College’s Crash Gone Wrong Said,

    […] lesson you haven’t yet learned from Festival Crashers is, “No grand entrances” as taught in Successful Crash #17. When what you do results in a slow clap, there’s a better move to be made. Regardless, you […]

    Posted on June 27th, 2009 at 6:26 pm

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