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Posted by teibs On June - 30 - 2009

winner@ZackTeibloom Andy said he was shocked how easy this quiz turned out. I considered making it twice as long and hard (extra joke from grow-er/show-er response.) We had two pretty much perfect responses within an hour and a half.

Matt Silver (the man who lives at the Festival Crashers’ home away from home) beat the Schiff (the missing Wolf) by an hour, but Schiff was a million times more entertaining. Hodge entered a nearly perfect score as well, but he didn’t type more than 20 words and was third to submit.

I compiled the original questions, Schiff’s answers and my responses into a nice little package for you. Enjoy:

“I believe I am the winner, as I not only have a perfect score, but never received my weird headphone things for the last FC contest I won. Now gimme my damn money!”

1. Question: What did we learn about Kyle Gass’ penis at Rothbury? (Search “Kyle Gass Penis”)

Schiff: Kyle is a “Grower, not a shower.” So, I assume this means that the thing you learned about Kyle Gass’ penis at Rothbury is… it’s small. Apparently, Kyle has this in common with Zack. Don’t get mad at me, dudes. I didn’t write it.

Zack: OK Schiff, you clearly you don’t know how the grow-er vs. show-er concept works. Let’s say you’re a shower who’s a six-inch sub soft and when you put that bad boy in the toaster, you gain an inch. Grow-er’s, on the other hand, are like turtles. Or Chia Pets. When they hide in their little shell, they may be in the three inch zone, but then ch-ch-ch-CHIA, too much rock for one hand, they’re 8. Not that I feel the need to defend grow-ers or anything.

2. Q: What band did Al Schnier of moe. tell Andy he wanted to see at Summer Camp? (Search “Al Schnier interview”)

S: Al Schnier of moe. was excited to see the New Pornographers at Summer Camp.

Z: I wish I could’ve seen mo’ of that New Pornographers show, but…

3. Q: During the band Al Schnier wanted to see at Summer Camp, what was Zack doing? (Search “Zack Wandering Summer Camp”)

S. During the New Pornographers (the band that Al Schnier was just oh so excited to see at Summer Camp), Zack was wandering around, looking for his lost keys. I’d have more info on the where and the why and the how, but the link to the explanation takes you back to the old FC site, which takes you right back to the home page of the new FC site. So, stick that in your quiz and smoke it.

Z. You could have used your new found search bar and heard this classic tale. LMGTFY. “Lost car keys.”

4. Q: How many of our New Years Resolutions have we accomplished so far this year? (Search “New Years Resolutions”) to see what they were. This may be the hardest question b/c the answer isn’t just sitting there for you.

S. Zack got his own apartment in Austin, and even got to live with a real-life gun-toting Texas redneck for a hot minute. Not sure what Andy’s deal is but I assume that goal was achieved. Moving to wordpress was also achieved.  Beach balls, though wildly unsuccessful, have been created, so that goal was achieved. Andy successfully got a crash in by going to the fucking venue at Jazz Fest.

I’ve seen you guys link to a few external sites that have published you, including that one time when Zack got to lip sync or something with some band that nobody heard of until Rock Band came out, and you always seem to have a press pass or something for the big festivals, so I assume those expenses were paid for. I’d say that goal has been half achieved. Finally, I have no idea if you have increased your readership by 10 times. How is anyone supposed to know this? I’ll hazard a guess and say you haven’t, but you wanted to increase 5x readers by June, and June isn’t even over yet, so technically it isn’t even really fair for me to have to determine whether or not this goal was achieved. To recap, there were six official ’09 goals listed, and you’ve thus far accomplished 5.5/6 (I have to get bonus points for answering this question in exact FC style, down to a ridiculous decimal point scoring system).

Z: Well, oh well. What a thoughtful answer for questions you had no business knownig the answer to. The answer is actually 3.5/6 goals. I did get an apt. in Austin and I actually still live with the gun-toting redneck. It’s cool, though. My new roommate just got us a pool table. Andy still lives in Deerfield, but he’s been talking about getting a place before Lolla. Haven’t heard anything about that since his injury, so the apt. goal is half accomplished. (0.5/1)

We did get beachballs (1.5/2) and moved to WordPress (2.5/3) and Andy crashed Jazz Fest twice, but was not excited about it at all (3.5/4). We haven’t done nearly as good a job of getting linked up by other sites as we’d like and no one pays our expenses (except our parents when we’re irresponsible and run out of cash moneys.) That’s a miss. (3.5/5) For the record, I didn’t lip sync with Bang Camaro. I sung like there was no tomorrow. Come on. Would I ever lip sync? That doesn’t count for getting linked up, though. Our hits are hovering around 2 million a day, so that hasn’t changed.* (3.5/6) FAIL

Q: 5. What letter did Zack limit his list of Langerado Wishlist bands to? (Search “Langerado Wishlist”)

S: 5. Zack opted for the letter “W” and forgot all about the Wallflowers, Wailers, Wailing Souls, Winger, Warrant and Wayne Newton.

Z: If we’re gonna name every W band ever, why not throw in Wilco, Weird Al, Weezy, Wham, Willie Nelson, Wu Tang and Will Smith. Who’s Winger?!

Q: BONUS: Which of Zack or Andy’s picks played at Langerado 2009?

A: BONUS: This is a trick question, you tricky bastards. Langerado was cancelled.

Z: Yes it was, wasn’t it. If only someone had called that.

*In my dreams (4-year theory)

Schiff- you may not have won, but damn it, you entertained the hell out of us. E-mail Andy your address and he’ll send you a pair of ChicBuds and an FC beach ball if he still has one.

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