Monday, February 18, 2019

2009 MTV Video Music Awards

Posted by shore On September - 14 - 2009

ohninevmas @AndyShore It would take something very special to keep my from watching the VMAs as they air. In years past I’ve turned down work and other seemingly solid plans to see what MTV would have in store for me. Unfortunately for MTV, they cannot compete with the Bears v. Packers season opener. After watching that atrocity of a game, I kind of wish I had skipped the game and watched the VMAs live. I definitely need to watch them now, so I don’t go cry myself to sleep. Without further ado, my “live” blog of the 2009 MTV VMAs.


0:02 I do believe that Madonna had the best intentions in mind when she decided to open the VMAs defending Michael Jackson, as if people hadn’t been doing that for the last two months. Did MTV ask her to talk for this long, or does Madge just feel left out from speaking at the memorial services? I’ll end on a positive note too. Madonna still looks great for a woman in her early 50s.

0:04 If all I wanted to do was watch Michael Jackson music videos, I would have gone to YouTube. Shouldn’t somebody be performing besides back up dancers?

0:06 Janet Jackson paying tribute to her brother is nice, but she’s very obviously lip synching. She’s a great dancer. If that’s all she was going to do to pay tribute to Michael, I’d be fine with that. Her pretending to sing along is unnecessary. 

0:10 Katy Perry playing “We Will Rock You” with Joe Perry on guitar is not setting the bar very high for the 2009 VMAs. Side note: has there ever been as attractive of a girl as Katy Perry that so routinely looks unattractive  for public appearances?

0:18 Russell Brand has made it several minutes into his opening monologue without being offensive. Shocking.

0:2o Even when Brand turns to his usual antics, they seem much more vanilla than last year. MTV has the leash a little tighter than last year.

0:22 Wale is this year’s house band. I’m actually a big fan of his, but he’s no TRV$DJAM. RIP Adam Goldstein. Your talents are sorely missed.

0:24 Taylor Swift looks shocked to have beaten out Kelly Clarkson, Lady GaGa, Beyonce and Katy Perry for Best Female Video. I’m all for any excuse that puts Taylor Swift in front of the camera, but I’d be lying if I said I have seen her video.

0:25 I guess it’s not officially an awards show nowadays until Kanye West storms the stage or throws a tantrum. Stealing the mic from Swift to tell the world Beyonce had one of the all-time great videos is obnoxious and unnecessary. At least this time he refrained from using any profanities. Is this personal growth for Mr. West or a whole new low? I’ll sit back and wait for Trey Parker and Matt Stone to decide.

0:26 I would love to have a sleepover with Eminem and Tracy Morgan. I can’t be the only one…and they have bunk beds?!??

0:35 Jack Black looks like he stole the Fat Bastard suit from Austin Powers. What’s with the voice Jables?

0:36 Green Day “21 Guns” wins for Best Rock Video. I’m glad Billie Joe Armstrong took his moment to request more music video airplay from MTV, and indirectly back up Taylor Swift. Class move from a guy that used to run around the stage with neon green hair.

0:39 I don’t get this Subway performance from Taylor Swift. It would make for a decent music video, but it’s a less than memorable VMA performance. I didn’t want to hate on Swift after Kanye’s outburst, but this is just OK. Where’s the cool guest?

0:48 3Oh!3 performing “Don’t Trust Me” with Wale is hilarious, when they mute “ho” every single time. Why even have them perform that song?

0:50 Lady GaGa looks like the horrifying rabbit from Donnie Darko in that masked/feather thing.

0:52 Even behind those sunglasses, I could tell that Diddy (is that what we’re calling him these days) was impressed with Lady GaGa’s half spread eagle piano playing.

1:00 Is it me, or did Lady GaGa morph into Elmo?

1:01 Russell Brand has not been funny so far, and I’m pretty sure he just said he wanted to rape Megan Fox.

1:03 Brittany Spears “Womanizer” wins for Best Pop Video. I am shocked, just shocked that the Spanish band nobody has heard of didn’t win.

1:05 Having just seen Green Day live, seeing them perform on an awards show seems lackluster. There’s just so much more energy to their live show. Is it just me, or are these VMAs less than stellar so far through hour one? Perhaps the Bears sucking it up against the Packers has had a lasting affect on me.

1:10 In a move of total bad-assery, Billie Joe Armstrong is crowd surfing…ON STAGE!!!

1:16 Who are you, and what have you done with the real Kristen Stewart? This impostor actually had her hair done, is wearing a dress and doesn’t look like she was just boning Robert Pattinson in the limo on the ride over.

1:20 Beyonce performing at the VMAs is as sure a thing as the Cubs not winning the World Series. I do wish she would have invited Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg to be her back-up dancers.

1:33 T.I. “Live Your Life” won for Best Male Video. Since he’s in the slammer, he couldn’t accept his Moon Man tonight. I bet of all the things he misses while in there, this one stings the most. Diddy accepted the award on his behalf, as opposed to Kayne who accepts awards for people who didn’t even win.

1:35 Super stoked to see Muse perform, especially after getting and listening to their new disc this week. Great stuff all around. “Resistance” is not as epic as “Knights of Cedonia,” but it is a solid rock tune.

1:48 Eminem “we Made You” wins for Best Hip Hop Video. I loved this video when I first saw it–a throwback to better days of music videos. The song is one of the weakest on the album, and should not be listened to without the video accompaniment.

1:58 Seeing Tracy Morgan all night at the VMAs made me very excited for 30 Rock to start next month.

2:00 Lady GaGa looks like a Slim Jim, while accepting Best New Artist.

2:01 I don’t get why Pink would need to be blindfolded to get lifted above the stage at the VMAs, but I did dig Serena Williams’ US Open reference and LOL a bit. Pink does have a bit of a Lil Kim throwback thing going on with that heart doily covering her breast.

2:12 Andy Samberg and Jimmy Fallon doing the Boyz II Men ‘zoom zoom zayaa’s’ was funny, edging out Eminem and Tracy Morgan as the best presenters of the evening (and I get the potential for some Beyonce-Samberg dancing action).

2:13 Beyonce “Single Ladies” wins Video of the Year. Kanye can rest easy tonight, and I got the dancing breakdown I had hoped for. 

2:14 Aside from the being incredibly distracted by Lady GaGa’s lion’s mane, I’m quite impressed with the classy move from Beyonce. She’s been there and done that, and will be there again. Letting the 17-year-old Taylor Swift have her moment was admirable.

2:30 Alas, my DVR cut off the performance from Jay-Z and Alicia Keys. “Empire State of Mind” is my favorite track off the Blueprint III and I’m going to have to find a video of the performance when I wake up in the morning. Good night all.

1 Response

  1. ThunderCockston Said,

    I caught just the beginning of the show in what was probably it’s 3rd replay on MTV last night, but I stuck with it long enough to catch Janet Jackson’s constipated facial expressions while pretending to be her brother as well as Kanye proving once and for all that he is a gay fish. However, the Kanye distractions are almost expected at this point. I thought the shocker of the night (or at least what I watched) was that Russel Brand sucked. Whether it was his thick accent blocking anyone from hearing his usual quips or a combination of bad material and a restricting network, I wasn’t laughing and it didn’t seem like anyone else was either.

    Posted on September 14th, 2009 at 1:53 pm

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