Monday, December 18, 2017

“We Made You” vs. “Birthday Sex” (Round 1)

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Posted by teibs On December - 11 - 2009

eminemjeremih @ZackTeibloom We’ve got Eminem, the most articulate* rapper alive making yet another comeback** with “We Made You” vs. Jeremih “yeah, it’s really spelled like that” and his “Birthday Sex.” I think we’re ready for our first upset. There really aren’t enough songs about birthdays, as weird as that sounds. We’ve already got enough videos with Eminem boasting about how he’s back in a series of costumes and dissing Jessica Simpson with a solid Dre beat behind him. Birthday sex is an anthem. Em may have the catchier video, but a few years from now, we’ll likely still be singing about how we want some birthday sex.

“We Made You” by Eminem

@Andyshore  I am a Jewish kid from the North Shore. Eminem was the closest I had to any rap cred (and the Beastie Boys’ Hello Nasty), before growing up and becoming a student of music. I watched the “We Made You” video several times in the days after it was released. I couldn’t get enough of having an Eminem mock/parody song and video back in my life. @ZackTeibloom Eminem is probably better at videos than the songs themselves, but the lyrics stick with you. You hum along. “Birthday Sex” is more of a crooner.

“Birthday Sex” by Jeremih

@ZackTeibloom This summer my apt complex had a pool party with a DJ who played “Birthday Sex” three times. In the first hour. Can we call it an anthem? I’m ready to. It combines birthdays and sex. Two of the best things we have. It’s raised our expectations for birthdays from now on. If you didn’t expect to get laid on your birthday, you sure as hell do now***. I’m sorry to Eminem, but get over the comeback thing. Don’t call it a comeback. You’ve been annoying us for years. “Birthday sex” is here to stay.

Jeremih is pretty psyched about this thing too: “I do think the lyrical concept really did help the song out! To where I feel it’s gonna be a timeless record that’ll still be played YEARS from now – simply because it’s become a new birthday anthem!”

*Seriously, Chuck Klosterman argues that a great deal of Eminem’s popularity is due to his incredible ability to enunciate clearly. Give him a second listen. Incredible diction.

**I know hip hop and boxing are built around comebacks, but can we make it be like the hall of fame from now on, where no one can say the word “retire” until 5 years have passed since you were last active? You can’t say “Guess who’s back” and “Did you miss me” every two-three years. That’s a normal break between albums, buddy.

***So, drunken birthday sex is pretty routine now, right? Unfortunately one in every 365.25 people have a different one so it’s not a national day of getting down. So, what day are most people getting it on? What are the three highest selling Morning after pill days? Yeah, I went there.

Here’s the three I narrowed it down to:

#3. March 18th: Day after St. Patrick’s Day + Spring Break = someone desperately needs to be handing out green condoms.

#2. Nov 1st: Halloween has gone from scary to slutty the last decade or so and no one’s complaining. One complaint: Nowhere to hide condoms in those slutty costumes. The last time I was scared on halloween was when, ironically, I thought I got a girl dressed up like Juno pregnant

#1. Jan 1st: Champagne + resolutions + fancy clothes = Hotel sex. Or bathroom sex. Or hotel bathroom sex. Either way, panties are dropping faster than the ball, and the champagne isn’t the only thing popping.

Where were we? Oh, yeah. Vote for “Birthday Sex”

3 Responses

  1. @mattsilver Said,

    No one else should vote. Birthday Sex currently has 69% in the poll. No one touch it! Far too appropriate to change.

    Posted on December 11th, 2009 at 10:21 pm

  2. teibs Said,

    As much as I love that irony, it’s your birthday. lay back and enjoy it. You don’t need to reciprocate.

    Posted on December 11th, 2009 at 11:10 pm

  3. Festival Crashers » Blog Archive » Round 1 Catchiest Song Contest Wrap-up Said,

    […] Sex” over “We Made You.” I’d like to think that I swung that upset with my preposterous morning after pill argument and comeback rule, but odds are you’re just sick of Eminem. Unless you followed your indie-rock heart, you did […]

    Posted on December 17th, 2009 at 4:39 pm

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