@AndyShore American Idol is back. This season marks the first without Paula Abdul and the last for Simon Cowell. Ellen Degeneris steps into Paula’s shoes, and will try to match her positive nature sans prescription drugs. The auditions are always a hoot, and I like to guess who’s gonna go the distance. To think the world never knew Adam Lambert before last season began. His audition of “Bohemian Rhapsody” opened a lot of people’s eyes. Here’s to hoping the unintentional comedy is high this season and the sob story montages are few and far between. Who am I kidding? I’ll have a sandwich during those parts.
8:02 The first montage of the season documents Paula’s leaving and the addition of Ellen. They said they chose possibly their biggest fan. I can’t believe they didn’t call Zack, if that’s the only qualification.
8:08 The first audition believes she should be the next American Idol because she’s awesome at the video game. If that was the case, Zack would be a guitar virtuoso sharing the stage with Jack White. She got a resounding no, leading me to believe that I shouldn’t be going around stealing cars and killing hookers either.
8:16 Maddy Curtis has a large family, including four brothers with down syndrome. I hope she’s good, because I want to root for her. I joke around in my Idol live blogs a lot, but this is not one of those times. She beautifully crooned “Hallelujah.” She’s got way more soul than you’d expect a 16-year-old to have.
8:21 I was going to refrain from commenting on how obviously gay Pat Ford was, until Kara commented on his accent. She meant his lisp, which she noticed when he told Simon he was even sassier in person.
8:30 Amadeo Diricco has a big Italian family. He’s a typical Italian, but he looks odd to me without a fake tan and a blowout. He does not look like he lives by the holy trinity: gym, tan, laundry. He’s doing Muddy Watter’s “Hoochie Coochie Man.” Not a typical Idol song choice, but he’s crushing it. He has his niche, but I don’t know that his sound will propel him to victory.
8:35 Derek Hilton thinks he sounds like Chris Brown and the Eagles. He says he’s a fan of Chris Brown because he likes the way he touches young kids around the world. I can’t make that up. To paraphrase Bill Simmons, these are the American Idol auditions.
8:45 Simon: “I want to fly to the moon, but I can’t…I could actually.”
8:47 Benjamin Bright is singing “All My Loving.” I’ll root for you, if you can impress me with a Beatles cover off the bat.
8:49 This Clark Kent look-a-like is so awkward. Andrew Fenlon is a total smart ass. When Simon asked why he was there, Andrew responded “it should be fairly obvious at this point. I’m here to audition for American Idol.” He was obnoxious enough to merit the first words I remember from Victoria Beckham. Andrew looked very interested when Kara told him he needed a spanking.
9:00 Ashley Rodriguez is smoking hot, and she’s killing it doing Alicia Keys. Her voice is light and airy with just enough soul. Posh Spice called her sultry, and Simon told her she has “it.” I agree with the judges. She’s gonna go far.
9:05 Tyler Grady looks like a total goofball. He broke both wrists climbing a tree and has casts on both arms. He’s dressed like he’s from the 70s, but he can sing. The judges liked his Jim Morrison mannerisms and according to Randy, he “made it pop” singing “Let’s Get It On.”
9:14 Lisa Olivero’s audition was not memorable until she strutted out the door. All four judges checked out her ass, with Posh Spice doing the “BADOWWWW” motion with her hands.
9:20 Mike Davis has a thick Boston accent and works on a speed boat named Codzilla. I did not expect that voice to come out when he started singing “Yesterday.” He’s not doing the Beatles as well as Benjamin Bright, nor does he have as cool of a name. I hate the name Mike Davis, as a matter of fact.
9:25 Katie Stevens wants to win on Idol so her grandma can see her succeed before she doesn’t even remember her due to Alzheimers. This is the second 16-year-old with a sob story that has a chance, but I don’t think she did as well as Maddy Curtis.
9:36 My first laugh out loud moment of the season, thanks to the no-named Asian kid with glasses whispering “All By Myself.”
9:39 Justin Williams is a cancer survivor and a more than decent singer. He’s got a much softer voice than you would expect to come out of him, but he hit all his high notes spot on. A Michael Buble type vocalist that Posh Spice called good looking with a sob story is sure to make it far this season.
9:45 Michael Jackson isn’t dead. He’s disguised as Norberto Guerrero. He’s got the black Michael hairdo and a silver sequenced vest. Simon: “You sing like a three-year-old girl, you dress like Latoya Jackson…you’ve got a beard.”
9:48 Bosa Mora has a nice enough voice to advance to Hollywood. Seacrest was cracking jokes about how nobody would be able to see over his Nigerian mother’s hat.
9:55 I would have guess Leah Laurenti was a Jew, being from Long Island and seeing that shnoz. She proved me wrong by talking about spending a lot of time at church.