@AndyShore Last night was not the American Idol debut that I had hoped for. There weren’t that many stars-in-the-making, nor were there many horrible acts to laugh at. Tonight should provide some more comedy. Mary J Blige is the guest judge. Any frequent readers should know my distaste for her. I have a huge problem with her guest judging this show. That woman has a great voice, but doesn’t know anything about singing. Her notes get milked so often you’d think she grew up an Amish farmer. I’m hoping there’s a few more contestants to get excited about, and more than a few people clowns.
8:01 Ryan Seacrest was a glasses wearing pudge when he grew up in Atlanta. That picture was more amusing than anything that happened last night.
8:04 Dewone Robinson’s uncle discovered Gladys Knight & the Pips. Thanks for that, but can I have the time back I spent listening to you Dewone? His original song is called “Lady, It’s Over.” Much like his song, it’s oooooooooverrrr. It’s ooooverrrr.
8:13 Keia Johnson is singing “My Heart Will Go On.” My guess is Mary J loves it, because she’s milking all her notes. Shocker. First judge to speak is Mary J and she says she loved her vocal performance. She used a whole lot of technical speak to basically say, “you sing just like I do.”
8:16 Idol is quickly through a bunch of talented artists. The producers know what the people want from the auditions, and it’s to laugh. The rest of the show is for singing well.
8:19 Jermaine Sellers is singing “What If God Was One of Us.” He’s from Joliet, IL. I’m gonna root for him as a hometown guy, and because he’s got a great voice.
8:26 I have a new favorite American Idol montage. They’re showing the video of the 27 story elevator ride down.
8:30 Vanessa Wolfe is singing an Old Crow Medicine Show tune. I’m not a big country fan, but the judges all seem charged by her thick accent coming through while she sings. Her family are such hicks. Her mom just said, “instead of butterflies, I got frogs.” Vanessa told Simon: “if I didn’t have a dress on, I’d throw you back flips.” She’s gonna take her first ae-ro-plane to get to Hollywood.
8:38 These contestants seem to think American Idol has gone country. Jesse Hamilton is such a hick he can barely speak English. He sounds like Boomhauer from King of the Hill. Mary J can’t even keep a straight face and he hasn’t even started singing yet.
8:49 Guitar Girl wore her Halloween costume to her audition. I would have thought she was going to be awful, judging by what she wore. She was actually a decent country singer. I’m pretty sure Simon just asked her to take her clothes off.
8:52 Rejection line of the night from Simon: “Like a cat barking, it just shouldn’t happen.”
8:53 Mallorie Haley is a name to remember. She doesn’t have the raw power of Janis, but she’s nailing “Piece of my Heart.” She does beat Janis in the looks department.
9:01 Skii Bo Ski walked in and told the judges he was the next big thing. I doubted him, with music notes carved into his hair. Kara and Mary J are impressed. Simon said a resounding no, but the rest of the judges said yes.
9:06 Carmen Turner’s friend sucked, but she’s great. Powerful voice. Simon just told them they should be in a group called the Ditz Sisters, but with his accent everyone had a hard time figuring out what he was saying.
9:14 I hate Mary J the singer. I love Mary J the judge. She laughs when they’re funny. Every time. She even had to cup her mouth after letting an “oh god!” escape.
9:17 The cop can sing, but who is going to vote for the singing police officer? Well…besides the judges. He’s going to Hollywood.
9:18 Lamar Royal sings like Shannon Sharpe talks. It sounds like there’s a fist in his mouth. He took his fist out long enough to drop a whole slew of f-bombs when the judges told him how bad she was. At least he agrees that Mary J can’t sing a lick.
9:27 General Larry Platt is what we’ve all been waiting for. This is why we watch. “Pants on the Ground” is going to launch the General way past William Hung fame. Check it on YouTube ASAP. Everyone’s gonna be singing “Pants on the Ground.”