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Archive for the ‘Crashes’ Category

Successful Crash #40: The ACL pass back

Posted by teibs On October - 11 - 2010

wristfake@ZackTeibloom Day one and two of ACL crashing were a breeze. We had beautiful fake wrist bands that weren’t always scanning, but the “ticket help line” was like a highway into the festival. With no tolls. By day 3, I didn’t want to get out of bed. When I finally dragged myself out to make final fantasy football adjustments and get back to Zilker Park, everything changed. The “ticket help” line was now closed off at the end. And if that wasn’t enough, there was a cop (not a security guard) waiting at the end of the line. Yikes. It wasn’t crowded enough to waltz by, and I was going to need a little help. Read the rest of this entry »

Successful Crash #38-#39: ACL

Posted by teibs On October - 9 - 2010

wristbandnew@ZackTeibloom It always helps to have the pass and good friends. I can’t even credit the amazing friend who did all the work, since she’s so afraid of getting caught that she asked me to delete our text message history to ensure that nothing could be traced back to her. We didn’t have much  of a crashing plan, but our friend, who we’ll call “the Internet,” took it upon herself to get a wristband, do a high resolution scan, and print multiple copies of. I gotta say, it’s more impressive than any undertaking we’ve done. Crashing by yourself is hard enough, but not only did Andy and I have to crash, we had two rookie festival-goers with us for a project we’ll tell you about soon that we had to sneak in. No easy task.

We met with “The Internet” at her office where she gratefully gave us four fake wristbands that looked shockingly good. They even had the scannable barcode on them. The question became: would the wristbands scan if we used them one after another? Would they scan at all? Really only one way to find out. As we got closer to the gates, we saw other wristbands and noticed ours looked almost identical to the real thing, but were a few shades darker than the real thing. No worries. We’d just look for someone with sunglasses on. Read the rest of this entry »

Unsuccessful Crash #2: The Strokes Strike-out at Stubbs

Posted by teibs On October - 7 - 2010

AccessDenied@ZackTeibloom I’m still trying to wrap my head around how I failed so hard on what should have been such an easy Stubbs crash. Apparently Stubbs flew Roy Halladay in to man security after his no hitter Wednesday night. I scoped out the night’s pitcher from the on-deck box (Watched which wristband they were using tonight – pink- and was happy to say I had it in my Stubbs wristband collection.) Fastball. Right down the plate. That’s always been one I can take deep. I dug my batting gloves (wristband) out of my pocket and fastened it fastidiously like Nomar Garciaparra and headed back to the dugout (Jackalope) to meet the Lighthouse crew for buy-one-get-one-free burger night and waited for my at-bat.

I strolled up to the plate with my batting gloves on,  wondering if I should just combine crash #37 and #38 into one story, since I’d never bothered to write up my easy Ween Stubbs crash and this one would be just as easy. You need to be confident for a crash, but that level of cockiness is a recipe for disaster. It’s like I was calling my shot and only Babe Ruth can pull that move off.  Read the rest of this entry »

Successful Crash #36: The Double Lolla Passback

Posted by teibs On August - 31 - 2010

lolla10@ZackTeibloom After an easy crash on day one of Lollapalooza and an exhausting run around on day two, I was regretting the crash for day 3. Brett was a fun crash partner for two days of crashing, but my wise young crashing friend acquired a free Sunday pass from a guy on the train, leaving me to crash alone.

It rained in the morning, prompting me to leave my sunglasses and sunblock at home and take a sweatshirt and a hat. I’d regret that later. I did the same walk around as the day before, and there was no crashing to be had. The rain and lack of people trying to get in at once made the expertly placed security ready for all crashers. That’s why god invented the pass back. Read the rest of this entry »

Successful Crash #35: Patience at Lollapalooza

Posted by teibs On August - 8 - 2010

crashfail@ZackTeibloom If at the exact moment Blues Traveler is playing “Run Around” and a lane opens up that would just be a 40 yard dash running around the check in and you still can’t crash, it’s a sign you’re in for a long day of crashing. We tried every entrance before our opportunity finally presented itself Saturday. On Friday I had @snoogans913 crashing with me. Saturday I brought Smoosh along as well. A menage a crash. Not the most ideal situation. Especially on a day where the crowd didn’t seem to come in packs.

Brett got their early and told us to meet him at the side entrance. Not a good call. Five blocks out of the way and far too much security. Could we just walk in the entrance despite their being more security than people? Not so much. It felt like we each had our own security guard watching us. Did it stop me from trying three times? Of course not. I got escorted away mumbling about media check in. Having verified that entrance as a bust, we walked three blocks in the wrong direction as Snoogans and smoosh talked about jumping a fence on Lakeshore Drive.

“I don’t do crazy tactics. You don’t jump fences!” Read the rest of this entry »

Successful Crash #34: Lollapalooza

Posted by teibs On August - 7 - 2010

lollagate@ZackTeibloom I filmed this crash and brought an accomplice. A lot to bring to the table for a fest I’ve never crashed before. The only good news is that day passes don’t get wrist bands, so if @snoogans913 and I could make it past two rounds of security, we were in. I’d like to say we had a better plan.

I got to the gates around 10:30 a.m., half hour before they opened, and made the rounds. I saw potential for my old tricks. The garbage men looked like they could be bought off, but it was too early in the day, and the head of security was telling them to stand guard as a third line of defense to fend off potential crashers. As if the first two lines weren’t enough. Sometimes it’s just easier to walk right in the front door. Read the rest of this entry »

Successful Crash #33: The New Pornographers at Stubbs

Posted by teibs On July - 27 - 2010

np@ZackTeibloom A band with a song on their new album called “Crash Years” is just begging for a crash, aren’t they? Well, that’s why I’m here. It wasn’t the first time I’ve crashed a New Pornographers show. They weren’t leaving unattended badges at the check-in this time. I had to try a new tactic.

“Woo, Dodos! The New Pornographers suck!” I walked up to Stubbs yelling this, hoping fans of the opening band would reveal themselves on their way out and hand over their red Stubbs wrist bands. I hadn’t seen a red wristband at Stubbs before. In my pocket I had a full double rainbow of wristbands, with an orange, brown, two shades of green, yellow, pink, blue, etc. Apparently my double rainbow wasn’t full, since I had no red.

I did a lap around the perimeter and, I gotta say, Stubbs does a real strong job guarding their exits. An armada of guards at the front, multiple check points at the restaurant entrance, and even the barbed wire fence has a back-up guard. You could attempt to sneak in by the port-o-poty’s where the barbed wire fence needs mending, but that’s just asking to be seen. The bottom line is that you need a wristband, and I didn’t have one, so I had to find someone who did. Read the rest of this entry »

The 1000 Man Crash

Posted by teibs On June - 15 - 2010

crashmob@shiftywhiteguy:  Zack and I have had several conversations about the feasibility of crashing Bonnaroo, and unequivocally, we determined it was a pipe dream.  There are only three entrance points, and you don’t even get to the campgrounds unless you go through a checkpoint manned by an inordinate number of people in neon shirts.  So attempting to walk through unnoticed is futile, not to mention that if successful, you’d only be at the campground at that point.  The Coffee County Police are also very intent that the other possible idea, skipping the fence, is not an option.  They have helicopters doing flyovers throughout the day, not to mention that it would be damn near impossible to sneak across the buffer zone lugging all the crap you have to bring for four days of Bonnaroo survival.

So, I didn’t go into B-roo intending on writing about an actual crash.  How silly of me.  I had forgotten rule number #31 of Bonnaroo survival:  Never underestimate the 75,000 people you are about to run into. Read the rest of this entry »

Successful Crash #32: The Jazz Fest Garbage Man

Posted by teibs On May - 3 - 2010

garbage@ZackTeibloom I’m using costumes now. It was inevitable I guess. After  I tried the kick-off return for forty five minutes, but the defense was impenetrable. Trust me, I tried. The entrance all the way left was double teamed. The check in line on the right had a 400-pound guard who wouldn’t leave his post. I even sunk so low as to walk out to consider offering someone $20 for their ticket. I shouldn’t even admit that.

Quick tangent: I saw an old, probably homeless man with no teeth, (who seemed like he’d had no teeth for a while, because his lip had curled into his mouth pretty extensively) standing in front of the gates. He looked beyond confused, as if he knew other homeless guys were there to scalp tickets, but he didn’t know where to begin. As I started to announce I needed an extra, a group of guys approached and gave the homeless man their extra. He seemed stunned. He looked to me and wanted me to go with him so I went to the gate and pretended I was his grandson. It happened so fast I wasn’t sure what was really happening, but he went stumbling into the festival. I’m telling you this, you’d pay good money to see what happened to that guy the rest of the day. He had no idea where he was. Regardless, it was time to get extreme. I had to garbage-suit up! Read the rest of this entry »

hester@ZackTeibloom Looking at the 11 or so Jazz Fest guards in purple jerseys, I felt like I was trying to return a kick against the Minnesota Vikings. Fine, fine I’ll be Devin Hester in this example. The first line of defense was the 7 guards scanning tickets. Behind them a roaming 3-4-man walkie-talkie unit and occasionally a couple cops to … throw a flag? It hasn’t come to that yet.  I tried my hand at recreating Successful Crash #30, but the defense had a zone shifted that way and I didn’t have enough blockers.

That’s the key to the kick0ff return. You have to follow your blockers. It’s an odd game when neither your blockers nor the defenders know you’re playing, but it just means you have to be extra perceptive. Let’s start with the basics. You want a big rush of blockers, but it’s not just important that they’re there. They need to make a skinny block where they block the attention of the ticket scanner, but they need to leave enough room between you and the other guard so that you can hit the hole and take it to the house. Read the rest of this entry »

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